She Wants It Her Way

I miss writing.

It happened in Australia when my laptop disappeared and my blogging stopped. I got a little pink notebook; and it became my everything. I wrote all my thoughts, fears, "lessons learned", letters to God, and personal insights in this little pink notebook. In times when I had nothing or no one, I had my book. I could still release my thoughts, twisted and unjudged. It's not something I would want anyone to see or read, necessarily...but it's too late now. I'm not sure what happened to that little pink notebook. One minute I had it at the Hungry Jacks (Aus. version of Burger King) and in the hallway of my apartment, and the next - gone.

I miss writing. I miss letting my creative juices flow. I started sketching last year. I realized that a new outlet was needed since I couldn't sing out loud while living in other people's homes (during my "homeless" season last year). I suppose the option of writing was always there, but I like to write in a place that is my own [head], in peace and quiet. Anything I could think of writing was too personal and deep for thought. I will have a book eventually and let it all out one day...

For now, it's back to the things I like. Letting those creative juices go and conquer for good.

I will be going to Dallas, Texas for the first time on Friday morning with my company for a conference. My blogging has not been as up-to-date or current as I would like, but that is about to change. Please, look forward to it.

Cheers,
Christine

P.S. To anyone who finds/found that little pink notebook, please email me...(contact info inside...)

I stopped blogging when I stopped being me. When I could not figure out the difference between who was Christine and who was BeYonce...my alias.

As you may have guessed it, my trip to Australia is over and I'm back on solid ground in the U-S-of-A. Does it feel good to be home? Maybe.

Melbourne was amazing, but I certainly had my downfalls, problems, and defeats...or so it felt. That's why I stopped blogging. IT all became TOO much....not to mention the fact that EVERYTHING important to me was stolen; taken away; against my will -- including my laptop, American cell phone, little pink diary, and camera to capture the moments....

2012 is going to hit soon (the ball already dropped in Australia), so I think it might be good if I closed that chapter; just so I can open a new one without all the baggage.

After so much had been stolen, I had to convince myself that they didn't matter and all those materialistic things did not control my happiness. Quite the difficult task, especially when my life DID revolve around constantly being "connected" and "in" with media.

A warning sign of someone that is going to commit suicide includes "Giving away prized possessions." But what happens when those 'prized possessions' are taken? You can lose yourself.


I did not want to commit suicide or even have the thought cross my mind because I was too busy having another life. My laptop was stolen the same week I had final exams -- academics -- my purpose for being in Melbourne.
All my notes from lectures, unpublished photos, blogs, resumes, important documents, EVERYTHING, was on that laptop. I'll be honest, I haven't gotten over it. I don't think I will get over it until 1. Justice is restored by me getting compensated or my computer back (reported to the Victoria Police, who aren't too good at doing their job). I knew who did it within 2 minutes of it happening and I felt "helpless", because it was too late. My heart still beats when I think about the seconds after realizing what happened and I wish I had control. I wish I could have taken the elevator 15 floors down and bashed the windows of the car before it could get away....but I can't, I couldn't, I didn't, and now....I have nothing.


Moving on.
What happens after a successful suicide? Well, for one, a person dies and there's no resurrecting them. It's even worse when you mix those feelings with the abuse of drugs or alcohol. Life is never the same again.


I always viewed myself as a happy, optimistic, kind individual -- maybe the nicest...too nice, so I realized. That's when things changed. I will always be nice and expect kindness in return, but I learned that you can't put so much trust in what people should do and you can never EVER really let your guard down. At the end of the day 'man is a wolf to man' (Homo homini lupus - Thomas Hobbes) and people are selfish creatures that live for themselves. I think Beyoncé already said it: "Me, myself, and I, that's all I got in the end. That's what I found out..."


I'm sure a million questions might be running through your head while you're reading this and I wish I could tell you the whole story, but it wouldn't even be PG-13. We have to work on a need-to-know basis: beginning with everyone getting laid off at my first job (September) to running out of money and not wanting to have to ask my parents to 'top up' my bank account (October) to getting kicked out of my apartment a week after my birthday because I requested to pay rent 24 hours after it was due by a patriarchal short Italian guy that 'didn't live there' to going on a binge for the next month and a half until I landed on American soil just two weeks ago. Nothing about my life in Melbourne screamed glamorous.


One thing is for certain, I have stories. I don't remember all of them, but I met amazing people and lost quality friends. I lived in 6 places within 6 months of living in Australia on a low-budget of having no budget.


It's crazy how my life changed. They call it 'breaking bad.' Contrary to the fact that it's my friend's favorite television show, there's another definition she told me about. In an interview, Bryan Cranston (main character, Walter in 'Breaking Bad') coined the term as "when someone who has taken a turn off the path of the straight and narrow, when they've gone wrong. And that could be for that day or for a lifetime." I prefer the way my friend defined it: "It's when one thing so drastic happens that it changes your life" -- whether for the day or for a lifetime.

I can't tell you when my moment was, but it happened long before I was robbed. The name BeYonce was not self-assigned; it was given to me by someone that I love now more than anything and my only reason for wanting to return to Melbourne. Meeting her changed my world. My love is nothing romantic...but rather the love a mother has for a child or a sister or a real friend. It's funny because I've been called crazy and stupid so many times because unlike most people, I chose to love. Now, whether my life was changed for good or bad is subjective.

It's interesting how much a name, or things, can define a person or make someone feel 'together.' Because of my binge, there was no time to think; no time to eat; barely sleep; only move. It was fun. It was amazing. It was another life. It wasn't my life. No one is ever going to understand what happened over the past 2 months but my life will never be the same again.

And for the suicide warning signs that SCREAMED 'Christine is dying':

• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Feeling trapped -- like there is no way out of a situation. <-- that's only how it starts
• Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
• Abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Exhibiting a change in personality.
• Acting impulsively.
• Losing interest in most activities.
• Experiencing a change in sleeping habits.
• Experiencing a change in eating habits.
• Losing interest in most activities. <-- I stopped singing...[well].
• Performing poorly at work or in school. <-- I still have an exam to take from Melbourne in January
• Giving away prized possessions. <-- debatable; although I gave away and tossed out clothes after losing 30 lbs in 2 months
• Acting recklessly.

• Television and Popular Culture  - watch classic and modern TV shows that shape what we watch today and talk about it
• Self and Other - psycho-social-political aspect of the relationship between Me and You and Everyone We Know
• New Media and Future Technologies - we talk about the internet; new media vs. old media
• Human Rights and Global Justice - talk about refugees; asylum seekers; and their rights to self-determination in political, medical, legal, social, and cultural aspects...interesting

I could probably name all of the streets in Melbourne CBD (Central Business District) by now. Every street is followed by a little street or lane and chances are, I have been on that street. I understand that trams are the way around the city, but I really prefer walking around and getting to know my surroundings. I probably walk about 5-7 miles everyday. If something catches my eye, I just go without thinking.

The best thing about being in a new city is that everything is new. The people, the streets, the shops, the smell. It's all fresh. I love new things. I love to learn and soak up information. Since I don't really have plans and everything is situated (housing, money, etc), I just use my days to enjoy the city (although I need a job...).

Thus, I made my way to the State Library. I passed by the most beautiful "museum" with artistic architecture. I admired the building and continued to find the library. When I crossed the street, I realized that somewhere along my path I had missed the library. The beautiful building was the library.

After indulging on some free internet, I was invited over for dinner by the girl that I am renting the apartment from. On my way to my new apartment, I encountered a strange experience. I felt as if I was being followed. Indeed, I was.

Through a 20 minute conversation (yes, I let it last that long), I learned that the man was from China and he had been in Australia for 10 years. I was asked a series of questions such as: Am I African, what are my origins, do I like white/black men and what is my preference, and do I like/know Obama (I get that a lot). Statements were made such as: Americans are violent/dangerous, love pornography (he stated repeatedly), obese, racist, politics are corrupt, we have the most homeless people in the world (?), and white men have many girlfriends.


With a lighthearted spirit, I could do nothing but laugh. Is this what we are really thought of as Americans?? As someone from France told met: America makes the best as well as the worst.


Let's do better, America.

After eating a delicious homemade Malaysian meal, I took the tram and headed home. The cool thing about the tram is that if you stand, you can still rest your butt/rear.


By the time I got back to the hostel, I immediately wanted to go to the bar downstairs -- so I did, alone. 


I found that even though I go to the bar alone, I never leave alone. There's always an adventure. And tonight, the mission was to play in the park, then fly a kite on the beautiful boardwalk. If I move to Melbourne, I know where I need to live. In an apartment on the Yarra River (doesn't that already sound expensive?). It's gorgeous. We played in the park like children and (again) I felt like I was in a Skins episode. Perfect.







 I love this city.

Within 36 hours of coming into Australia, love for the city and adventures is an understatement.

After my 4AM excursions, I woke up on Sunday at 2PM. It took 15 minutes of being awake before I was summoned to go on a road trip with two wonderful gals from England and Belgium. We made our way to Penguin Parade on Phillip Island, home to the world's smallest penguins and one of the largest Little Penguins population. I have so many pictures from the exhibition and landscape, but I don't have the USB for my camera. :( I will get them up ASAP, but you can check out the website linked in the mean time.

Might I remind you that it is winter in Melbourne, so the summer clothes I brought are not helpful during my outdoor escapades. As my new mates were adding layers of clothes in the bathroom, I found a sign that I found quite amusing hanging:


Take from it what you will. All I know is the staff said that syringes are best placed in the yellow box than on the floor where people can step on them.......

It had been about 40 hours since I arrived in Melbourne and I still hadn't eaten anything. After seeing penguins, I finally gained an appetite and we headed to Australian franchise: Red Rooster. They sell tasty chicken that is roasted -- not fried.

Since I had conquered jet lag from staying up until 4AM the night before, I had no trouble falling asleep at a reasonable time (by 2AM) after seeing the penguins. With a bar downstairs, it's hard not to pop in and see what's happening and who's there. The bar has a pool table and a small alleyway for smokers to convene (the "hip" spot). One thing I've noticed is that everyone rolls their own cigarettes here. I don't smoke cigs (and at $13/pack, no one here should either), but it's definitely a difference from the U.S., where you will rarely find anyone rolling their own cigarettes (too classy for that!).

Since my appetite was back, I decided to go for a snack at 7/11 (there's one on every corner). I bought a Vitamin Water for AUD$4 (about $5-6) and the other drinks were around the same price. : 0 I looked at the shelf of chips and was confused. I had never heard of any of the brands...where were the LAYS?!!?! Of course Doritos made their presence without as many options.

Day 2 of Australia: I am going to Belgium. That's the consensus. So now that my next trip is decided, I'm ready to continue this one :)

Also, I plan on improving my French now that I am surrounded by so many speakers of such a sexy/romantic language.

Enter the city of Melbourne, Victoria and checked into my hostel, NOMADS (A$22/night), at 1PM (UTC/GMT +10 hours). I stuck to myself for about 5 hours. I didn't really think I would enjoy living in a place with no drawers or dressers for more than one night. Did I mention that I am staying in a room with 9 random strangers from all over Europe, Australia, and Asia? Nomads. Backpackers. And me -- "the American." Now, ask me how many times I've heard the pick up line: "I've never met an American girl before." HA! Anyways, there is no elevator, so I had to lug both of my 50lbs suitcases up the stairs -- until I rescued that is. :) Some guy helped me bring my bags upstairs to the reception desk while I checked in. Then, while I was struggling in the hallway, two gentlemen ran to my side to help me bring my stuff to my room.

It took me a few minutes. I sat, looked around, and thought "what did I get myself into." I took a few minutes to cry (I know, I'm a cry baby, but I needed to get the homesickness out of the way). I felt lonely, broke, and I had no sense of direction (no technology to help!!). Then, I sucked it up and was ready for the new world. I changed my clothes and took a MUCH needed hot shower and got dressed for success. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go, but I had not eaten since breakfast on the airplane at 4AM and I was limited to AU$60.

I decided that my first stop should be somewhere that exchanged money, then I needed a phone. Apparently things close early on Saturday (so I thought), so I was limited to exchanging my money at the Crown Casino.

Underage, sheltered [me] has never seen a casino. I was certainly impressed and surprised that there was such a high Asian population all over the casino.

Nevertheless, I made it all the way to the casino without any of my American money...so I had to walk back to my hostel and back to the casino to exchange.  
PSA: DEAR AMERICANS, PLEASE BUY AMERICAN PRODUCTS/GOODS SO THAT I'M NOT GETTING RIPPED OFF OF MONEY.

After exchanging money, I felt better about life and felt as if I could accomplish things (money can kinda make you happy). Off to find a new cell phone. Long story short, I bought a prepaid phone for $50 on Saturday and couldn't figure out how to activate it until Sunday night.

I also went to see an apartment and figured out where I am staying for the semester -- so nice w/ a sauna, gym, and home theatre in the basement. Since I didn't know how to use the tram (metro) system, I decided to walk from where I was staying. I figured it would be a great way to check out the city as well....


5.2 km (3.1 miles) and some later (decided to make several detours)...I made it.

I decided to take advantage of new drinking age legality and headed to the bar downstairs, which is also run by the hostel. Still no food in my system since 4am on the plane, I had a few beers -- fell in love -- then was headed for bed around 8 (jetlag)...

Somehow, I was convinced to go out (it's not that hard for me to say yes to doing things). And the adventures continued. In attempt to find a place to party for someone's final night in Australia before going back to Belgium, we roamed around the city of Melbourne for hours and I made it to my bed at 4 o'clock on Sunday morning (still on an empty stomach).

WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA (so glad I could join you, mates!)

xx

**No worries - Common phrase used...so chill

5 flights, 23 hours of flying, 17 hours in airports (thanks to layovers) -- and we're HERE.

Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, to be exact.

I've anticipated this moment for 5 months with preparation that was just time consuming. I'll be honest, it was so hard to say goodbye to my family. Tears were shed...all mine. It was hard for "daddy's little girl" to part at the airport, but as he said, I had no choice and so now I'm here.

Sure, it felt like a sad melodic series of songs playing in the background of my life as I continued my trip; but the music picked up and the tempo is upbeat -- maybe dubstep even.

I've already made some Aussie connections during my flights and while waiting. I met two lovely ladies from Melbourne that live close to the University I will be attending. They provided me with a laundry list of places to go from shops to grocery to little cafes with the best cupcakes. :) They also gave me information on the neighborhoods, streets, and suburbs to avoid, although the city is relatively all safe (dark/sketchy allies and all). They were helpful in many aspects and it's comforting to know there will be more people like them all over the city of Melbourne.

**And if you are ever flying into Australia (which you should at least once), I highly recommend flying with Virgin Australia. The scene:

Enter the gates to be greeted by a friendly pilot with a huge grin on his face and the staff by his side. Purple and green lights with soft music playing in the background like "How Deep Is Your Love" by the Bee Gees (classic.). Champagne in the background on a magnificent marble-like bar. Enter first class to see the exclusive seating, already sipping on their glass of bubbly as the other guests are waiting to be seated. Each seat with their own television, headset, blanket, and pillow. Perfect room temperature. Your choice of watching a movie (Inception, Happythankyoumoreplease, Friends with Benefits, others.), television channel (E!, Discovery, Disney, Travel, Australia-Channel), or just a random TV program (Good Luck Charlie, Family Guy, others). Or you can choose listening to music (Adele, Florence and the Machine, MGMT, Kanye West, Rihanna, and a variety o other genres); play a game even (Zuma, Pac-man, Car racing, Bejewled, others.); or connect your own media (read books and shopping coming soon).

 Nevertheless, 14 hours was well worth my travels (the food wasn't too bad either).

Customs and Borders:
Easy. BUT don't bring any type of handcuffs into Australia, it's a crime and you can be charged.

Thus, my journey into Australia has been pleasurable (despite having to throw away clothes at LAX in order to meet weight requirements for my luggage --> we won't talk about it).

Until I find housing accommodation, I will be at one of Melbourne's most popular hostels located in the CBD (Central Business District): NOMADS.

Wish me luck!
xx

P.S. One of the VAustralia employees def let my luggage limit slide...so I didn't need to throw away my NEW shorts and Express Jeans o____0

I am a Twenty-Year-Old college student from the Washington, DC metropolitan area. I have the heart, commitment, and passion for exploring, traveling, and learning new things. As I go on adventures, even something as small as a trip to the supermarket, I am open and prepared for anything.

My travels, however, are much greater than the quick run to pick up dairy. Summer 2011 destinations include: Washington, DC. New York, New York. Orlando, Florida. Asbury Park, New Jersey. Los Angeles, California. Melbourne, Australia.


View Summer 2011 in a larger map

And  that is just what has been planned. Prepare to connect. Prepare to engage. Prepare to travel. Anticipate a learning experience that will never have you second guessing.

Tune in for more! :)

P.S. I set my own boundaries. After all, she wants it her way....