She Wants It Her Way

1. Shake It Out | Florence and the Machine - This song got me in the mood for dancing and moving around every time (and I played it at least 20 times on my 12-day trip). What a reminder to let go of the past! "It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake it out!"
2. Weekends | Urban Cone - Another great dance tune that makes it feel like the sun is shining brighter. Everyday feels like the weekend when you're on vacation. "Can you feel it? I can feel it!"
3. The Beauty in the Ugly I Jason Mraz - Who are you and who do you want to be? I want to be true to me. Jason is my #1 favorite artist/musician, so no doubt he would make this list. But this song is from the show "Ugly Betty" and speaks volumes about not losing you by "leaving normal just to satisfy demand."
4. Flaws | Bastille - Discovering the beauty in the ugly means looking at flaws as a beautiful part of the Me puzzle. I'm okay with wearing my flaws on my sleeves. It makes me human and they don't need to be counted...just recognized as step one in self-awareness. "There’s a hole in my soul, I can’t fill it"...but I know who can.
5. Akeda | Matisyahu - Self-discovery is only part of the equation. I realized that unless you know the Creator, it's impossible to truly know yourself. This journey has been traveled with Matisyahu by my side, since I won tickets to his Philadelphia concert in December 2014. The beginning of me starts with Love. God is Love, and I am His. His daughter, His friend, His lover, His servant, His vessel to move and speak life on the Earth. Now I realize it begins with [these] words. Even if perfection is not expected or required, it feels like my flaws are hauntingly "telling the same story," and holding me back from fulfilling all I am called to be. The way Abraham trusted..."Teach me to love."
6. Love Invincible | Michael Franti - *This order is connecting better than I thought it would!* The thing about love is that there can never be too much. :) I am addicted to love and the idea of what it can do. "When we feel impossible, show us what is possible. Teach us love invincible."
7. Brokenness Aside | All Sons & Daughters - What stops us from loving to the max? I think it's us. "Will your grace run out if I let you down? Cause all I know is how to run... "If it's not one thing, it's another." My thoughts exactly. I want to love invincible. I recognize my flaws keep me from feeling enough sometimes...but I know there's a Savior that takes my flaws, my brokenness, and my imperfections to make them beautiful. The beauty in the ugly is that there is so more happening with "the ugly" than our eyes can see. And the process of gaining self-awareness, humility, and meekness makes the ugly brokenness become a beautiful masterpiece that screams, "But don't forget, my child, I love you."
8. Born Again | Josh Garrels - I realized I'm a runner. Acknowledging my insides has never been a priority, but has always created a fight or FLIGHT reaction when I couldn't explain it. That's part of my flaws. Being 'born again' is all about receiving an internal change that is an available gift of freedom for anyone who wants to accept it. Featured in an article in this month's edition of Relevant magazine, Josh seems to have been in a similar place that I am in—where I realize some "deep areas" of my life simply need to be flushed out...and not something to run from. "It took me a while, but my time has come to be born again...I am ready to feel the power of change."
9. Wonder (Spontaneous) | Bethel - I feel some type of way listening to their live music. I can feel that Spirit wanting to change and stir things up in {my} spirit. It's so beautiful to feel. It's almost like I can touch the wondrous beauty of this God. This Savior that loves and wants me just as I am...flaws and all. I NEVER want to "lose that wonder."
10. Now I Know | Stephen Marley - This came on the car stereo in LA and one line made me think, I need to add this. "What used to be unbreakable, thought this bond would never break. But nothing's permanent in life, all except for change." I have a tattoo that I designed stating the same thought...Nothing but change (and the God trinity -△) lasts forever, but all things must come to an end. "Now I know."

I love writing. It's a part of who I am. Even as a child, I would prefer to write out my thoughts and feelings in a letter, poem, song, and eventually blogs. I realized that writing is more than a hobby—even if it feels like work sometimes—it's a gift.

The thing about gifts is that they should be shared and never abused. Gifts should feel good to do.

Things are going to change.
Rather than focusing on my super eventful, non-parent approved adventures, I want to share #wisewords that may actually help you or someone you know. More life lessons.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?
For one: never have expectations. But what you can expect is honesty and authenticity – not that it ever lacked. You can still expect stories, but only when relevant. You can expect a variety of topics from travel and budgets to good food, music, friendships, relationships, spirituality, and just good ol' words of wisdom. All from the prospective of a young professional.

I expect to have better frequency in posts  hopefully you'll see 2-4 /month for now. I'll start the next as a tie-in to my #Californiwakening trip. It certainly was awakening and revealing...I guess that's what a lot of alone/God time will do!

Why do we gravitate toward doing things we think we should do rather than the things we want to do? How does it become challenging and difficult to do things we once loved so much? Is it a loss of interest? Is it OK to be idle and comfortable--or is that being lazy? Is it time that seems like a constraint or like something that will always be there?

Priorities play a big factor; as does will and desire. I am a firm believer in "if you want to do or get something enough, there is nothing that will stop you from making it happen." Time is added to the schedule, preparations are made, and you get it [done].

I'm not sure if it's post-college life, but I haven't been as dedicated to making time for some things I feel like I should do. I also want to feel bad -- and even mentioning this may mean some guilt is in there, but I enjoy not being [pro]/active. Then I wonder if it's because I'm using up so much energy toward other places that aren't necessarily nourishing for the time spent.

Time is money; and time is life. Each moment that we use and each moment that we "waste" is time that could have been spent on something else. What's the best thing today and tomorrow?

There is also power in comfort and only doing just enough. When the right boundaries aren't in place, it's also possible to lose your reality and fall into someone else's. It's interesting how we get caught up in the every day and move based on an agenda that's not completely predicted by us so easily. Do you ever feel comfortable in living and doing just enough? 

...then, Vegas.
I really expected falling in love with the city, but I wasn't. I couldn't. The moment I walked off the plane, pokies (aka slot machines) greeted me and I knew that I would be in for a treat. I assumed being in the city of sin would mean more temptation...but it was not the storyline I plotted in my mind. Everything about Vegas is what I expected, but I was different.
I felt different. I felt out of my element--as if I didn't belong there. I stayed at the beautiful Caesars Palace (which you may recognize from the Hangover movie) and enjoyed everything about it, excluding the prices and indoor smoking policies (although both apply to all of Vegas). I took some extra time to really settle in and take it all in after I checked into the room.

Why do we gravitate toward doing things we want to do rather than the things we think we should do? How does it become challenging and difficult to do things we once loved so much and gave so much importance to? Is it a loss of interest? Is it due to life's many distractions—the Internet, relationships, work? Is it just part of growing up? Do people grow out of the things they love...their once upon a time passion or dreams? Is it even OK to be idle and comfortable--or is that being lazy and a borderline parasite (laziness has a scale)? Is it time that seems like a constraint or like something that will always be there, and so there is no need to rush?

My favorite character, Paul (formerly Saul) says, "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice" in Romans 7:19 (NKJV). I know I am not the only one who struggles or has struggled with having the desire to get something done, but not actually doing it...or doing the opposite/nothing.

Priorities play a big factor; as does will and desire. I am a firm believer in "if you want to do or get something enough, there is nothing that will stop you from making it happen." Time is added to your schedule, preparations are made, you think every step or at least the first, and you get it [done].

I'm not sure if it's post-college life and the thrills of working, but I haven't been as dedicated to making time for some things I feel like I should do. I want to feel bad -- and even mentioning this may mean some guilt is in there, but I enjoy not being [pro]/active. I wonder if it's because much of my energy is projected toward other places that aren't necessarily nourishing (mind, body, and soul) for the time spent.

Time is money; and time is life. Each moment that we use and each moment that we "waste" is time that could have been spent on something else. What is the best thing to do right now for today and tomorrow?

So now I'm just thinking about what to do each day, every moment, every opportunity to live... How to be better. It is 2015.

Did I ever say 'hello'?

FROM NEW YORK CITY TO YOU...12.31.14

Disclaimer: This was not my first time to New York and I've been several times. But this is the first time I went to NY independently of age and with no agenda. It was phenomenal. Check out pics from my 2014 transition, from DC to Philly to NYC.

I can't believe it's 2014 and I have unpublished blogs. I start writing, but can never complete the thought. It's as if I get to a point where my mind decides it doesn't want to feed me more words, more wit, more thoughts to put down.

It's 2014, and I'm looking to change that. I'm looking to change several things in my life. It's time to make things happen and not just think about the fact that it needs to be done or that I want it to be done. No more being idle. No more watching and waiting.

My turn to rise up!

2013 was pleasant and filled with travels for me and my beloved. Over the summer, we joined 12 others for an adventure in a strange house in the woods with no internet.

Only two (2) hours outside of D.C. is a house unlike any other that I've seen. I never thought I would come across a place like Brewhouse Mountain Eco-Inn in York Haven, PA.

It was in July when a group of youthful, free souls joined together for some fun over the hot summer weekend. It was magnificently detailed and clearly someone's treasure.

Image by Neha Gautam

We arrived on a dark and stormy night (literally lol), but our curiosity loomed. With 12 others eagerly prepared to explore our new haus for the weekend, it was just us and the woods away from the rest of the world.

There were figurines and odd statues from the mid-1900s and more importantly, the walls were lined up with containers of beer in all sizes–kegs and cans–from the past century (possibly more).

Image by Neha Gautam

Each room had its own theme based on the cans in the room; there was the Pacific, Germany, America, and Africa and EurAsia. Every element of the house and every single room was unique and well organized/planned. I slept in the bright and beautiful Scandinavian/Swedish Room.

Image by Neha Gautam

We had fun; partied in the game room with strobe lights; drink skippy; went hiking; and made it a weekend to remember. I would do it all over...perhaps in a new house with the same people... just for different stories.

...

Fast forward to November with the autumn season slipping away, and the adventure continued in Pennsylvania to Philly.

It was my second time to Philly–if 1 unplanned overnight for American Idol auditions at 16 counts (itinerary was pretty strict)–and I was pretty excited. My boyfriend and I made it a trip right before the Thanksgiving holiday.



I was eager to explore the streets of brotherly love and see what one of America's favorite cities had to offer. It was also another opportunity to have a mini-road trip and see some friends.

We walked around the city from South Street through Old city, until we were in Southwest Philly overlooking a view of Camden. Beautiful sight.

I believe it.

Photo courtesy of J.G.

Of course, we tried a recommended cheesesteak at Jim's Steaks on 4th and South Street. Splendid and delicious, it was! Perfect way to start the day before heading back to DC.


Philly–I liked it. I felt the love. I felt good vibes all around. I would do it again and maybe again. It's nice to go into a new city or a new place in general. It feels good to start fresh .


Welcome, 2014.
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